Yes, back then he was John Cougar. Some of us from high school sat on the football field our senior year, crying, laughing and singing that song. It was our last game ever! There were no cel phones, no ipads, and not even a cd was played.
Those kinds of memories stay with you forever in this quilt that God is sewing with such a great and mighty hand, weaving in mercy and grace among the sinners and the saints. The more we are kind to each other the better we will survive “this thing called life” – Prince
So I was thinking something really profound about how wearing the shroud was my choice only and the choices that I have made would have caused the most damage. Also it was my survival but I could only do it by pretending I was ok, the good girl, always making her parents happy (then everyone else), people pleasing 101.
No, no one told me do do that, of my own choosing I was less than my best so that it didn’t show. And blame, while often leading to enlightenment, tends to be counterproductive and exert negative energy. Also, I firmly believe that accepting myself to live fully in the moment means accepting every part of my past without absorbing the negativity and dangerous behaviors previously used as coping skills. After all of this epiphany and enlightenment, though, I realized that I still would not have to do all the things to cope if there had not been the pressure to perpetuate the dream that all was well. …and then there was those other things that happened. All into the pot, as they say, the pressure cooker to make me who I am today.
Chicken and egg kind of thing. All self knowledge brings the opportunity for wisdom I guess we just do not have a clue what we are supposed to be figuring out most of the time. As an awesome pastor once taught, Moses was about 80 when he got his “Burning Bush Moment” and some people really never do or they get lost in the “Smoke of a Distant Fire”
–one of my all time favorite songs, like ever